Tuesday, December 15, 2009

End of the World Movies

There have been a slew of "end of the world" movies in the last ten years or so. I'm a fan... because for some reason I enjoy watching scenes of unparalleled destruction. Call it sadistic, I don't know....

In any case, there are certain things that seem to be constant throughout most of these end of the world movies..... So if you ever grow up to be an end-of-the-world-movie filmmaker..... be sure to include these into your story!

1. The President is in charge of the world, and it's up to him to make choices that save America. If other parts of the earth are saved, that's a bonus.

2. Generals are always wrong. They will tell the President to take the exact wrong course of action. They love red phones with no buttons.

3. Nuclear bombs can fix just about anything... Whether it's breaking up an asteroid or restarting the earth's core rotation... Nukes are handy little fellas.

4. When re-wiring a nuclear bomb, always cut the red wire. Never the green. In fact, use the red, white, and blue wires whenever possible. It's the patriotic thing to do.

5. When the destruction starts, you can be sure that it will strike in Europe or Asia first. Rome, Paris, London, Tokyo, and Beijing seem to be the favorites.

6. Destruction will reach America eventually, but will spare most of the population. Regardless, the golden gate bridge must be destroyed at some point in the film.

7. If the movie involves spaceflight, be sure to ignore all basic laws of physics. You can walk on small asteroids even though the gravity wouldn't be enough to hold you down, you can hear explosions in space even though sound can't travel in a vacuum, and of course, nukes still fix everything.

8. 60% of the time, the cause of the destruction is something we did to the planet. Global warming, scientific experimentation gone awry, or something of that sort. Don't worry though, 20% of the time the President is African-American, so the human race isn't so bad.

9. The clock always stops with 3 seconds left..... and the 15 seconds preceeding this little miracle are always enough to say goodbye to your loved ones and have a nice 2-minute flashback.

10. In the end, much of the earth is destroyed, but the remaining population have learned a valuable lesson... or have they?! Well, at least the threat is neutralized.... OR IS IT?!!!.......
Well, at least the dog ALWAYS ALWAYS survives.

Jonathan

14 comments:

John DiBiase said...

So very, very true! Nice observations. Don't forget that it's almost a prerequisite that the White House is destroyed each time too.

Christine said...

XD

omg JOHNN! hahaha HEYYY!

Morgan said...

You got the movies to a dot!! That's totally awesome!!!lol

graciegirl said...

hahahahaha number 9 and 10 are my favourites because they are the most true.... and the most accurate!! :)

Heidi said...

Haha. Thats so true!

Taylor Napier said...

wow...that definitely made me laugh!
the only think is, the dog doesn't always survive. if you think back to "i am legend"...
lol

Collin & Joanna Gibson said...

you are always deep, funny & right, especially right about the american trends.

Emily said...

And New York City gets destroyed, don't forget that!

christena said...

HAHAHAHAHA! very true :)

Ida said...

The dog part was funny other than that i didnt read it because i LOATHE end of the world movie...

Britney said...

DUDE! ROFLCAKES! soooo true XD

Keela said...

this coming from the guy who tweeted he also likes the movie enchanted lol

Anonymous said...

so true...so true! I really enjoy end time movies. Especially the Left Behind series!

graciegirl said...

my mom, my friends and i are gonna make a horror movie... a really cheezy one... and i definitely think we are gonna have to use at least a few of these :)